Charger Opinion

No altars for celebrities...Ashton's hats are not religious artifacts

Paige Bowman, Associate Editor

“Vote or Die,” Louis Vuitton, trucker hats, cradle-robbing, fake tanning, the Zone diet, yoga, weird baby names, twenty-four hour marriages, fitness, Botox, the sudden surfing craze, babies and the new urge for blondes to be brunettes.  What do these random things have in common?  They are all part of the startling trend that is celebrity worship.

It seems that this year I couldn’t turn on the TV without seeing P. Diddy or some other pop-culture icon telling me that voting is more important than life.  I’m not disagreeing, but guess what P. Diddy?  I don’t want your input.  It’s my choice, maybe not now, since I’m not 18, but the last thing I want to see all over MTV and VH1 is voting paraphernalia.  It’s important, but enough is enough.

Next issue. Celebrities shouldn’t have opinions.  Ironic, because that is my opinion, but I stand by it.  When a celebrity accepts an award, he should say thank you to whoever he wants, but the last thing I want to hear is his political stance or listen to him rant about the current administration.  Liking certain celebrities doesn’t mean I want to hear or emulate their personal opinions, and since it is annoying to hear, they need to keep it to themselves.  They may call it using their influence for good, but I call it annoying.
The appearance of celebrities is better advertising than any magazine ad or commercial.  Does anyone recall the Trucker Hat Craze of 2003-2004?  Thanks Ashton, thanks a lot.  Actually, Von Dutch and John Deere thank you.  Speaking of Ashton, Demi.  Demi has made it acceptable for women to cradle rob again! If she hadn’t decided to date someone ages younger than her, all of the women would still just be watching men date women their daughter’s age.  Thanks, now I can finally scout out freshman with no guilt!

Appearance isn’t just clothes. It’s body and hair too.  It seems there is an endless supply of diets and exercises to keep the rich and famous toned and the envy of everyone.  Take Madonna.  Thanks to her we have yoga, the Zone diet and the resurgence of bag-pipes.  Too bad her arms are so crazy buff she looks like she should be in the strong man competition.  Don’t forget Kabbalah.  Since she wore that red twine around her wrist, sales have gone up, up, up, and even Claire’s put  thin red bracelets on their shelves.

Madonna. Can I mention her without mentioning her wannabe, Britney Spears? Just think, without Britney, we wouldn’t have had low-riding jeans so low that normal physical activity results in indecent exposure, nor would we have twenty-four hour marriages and acquiring step-children by getting married to someone else’s babies’ daddy.

Speaking of children, baby names.  There are some crazy ones flying around the world today, and most of them come from celebrities.  Apple, the name of Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter.  Pilot Inspektor, Jason Lee’s son.  Jermajesty, son of Jermaine Jackson.  Race-car driver Kenny Brack named his daughter Karma.  I hate to think of what kind of karma he has for doing that.  Of course, the ultimate bad baby name award goes to Frank Zappa.  His children Moon Unit, Diva, Dweezil and Ahmet Rodan are no doubt harboring some resentment for their father.  With food names and names for philosophical ideas, what’s next?  Inanimate objects?  Is there going to be a baby named Table Pitt or Paper Simpson?

On the subject of babies, having a baby is now better than having the latest Louis Vuitton or Prada bag; of course, someone should tell Jessica Simpson.  Models, actresses, musicians, all taking time out to get stretch marks and sleepless nights.  The worst part?  They re-emerge about 10 days later with bodies even better than before their pregnancy.  Maybe the pregnancy trend is a direct cause of the hair color trend.  It seems that in the past year many celebrities have decided that blondes may have more fun, but brunettes are chased less by the paparazzi and avoid scandal better.  In Nikki Hilton’s case, it is to not be confused with your  sister, and if Paris Hilton were your sister, wouldn’t you do it, too?

Here are the facts.  Celebrities seem to have an unexplainable influence over our culture.  They tell us to vote, every MTV-watching adolescent registers.  Britney goes brunette?  Highlights become lowlights.  They get Botox. We get Botox.  They do yoga?  We go out to buy a mat.

In some instances, celebrity worship is quite harmless, but that doesn’t change that fact that it is alarming and quite scary to those of us who prefer to think for ourselves and not hear what celebrities think.