Lonely fellow looks for soul-mate

Brandon Grissom , Charger Staff

So it’s the season for love. Love bites, and I am as bitter as an old man on a park bench with nothing but a newspaper blanket. Year after year, I sit at home waiting by the phone with a salty tear in each eye, hopelessly expecting a call from anyone who will talk to me.

I guess it all started with rejection at a young age. So I chased the preschool girls with water balloons. That was twelve years ago, and I can change. Why must I constantly pay for my mistakes?

I am tired of being shot down, and can no longer take the disappointment of having no chance of a normal life. I no longer expect a call from a friend or a possible valentine.

I have finally come to the realization that no self-respecting person would want to talk to me.

How could anyone like me if I don’t like myself?

Maybe I am a hopeless romantic, but I still dream of the day when my knight in shining armor will whisk me away to never-never land. I know that this dream is unrealistic, but if I cannot dream, I cannot be happy at all.
Please ladies, call me! I can no longer take this torture. Sometimes I feel so alone and empty inside. I am no longer myself, and I am constantly searching for something to fill the void in my soul. Please take the pain away.

Reduce the drinking age so that I can drown my sorrows. End the madness!

Why do the superhuman powers that act around us choose to use me as their own personal hackey sack?

Why must I be cursed and forced to spend all eternity alone in my own dismal and awkward corner of the universe?

These questions will remain forever unanswered. There has to be something better out there. There has to be. I am usually not this insane, but Valentine’s Day deeply depresses me. It should be illegal.

~Article prepared for web by Steven Linger and Joy Wheeler~